feeling yrself disintegrate...

'talking kingfish blues'

i can't explain it
i feel trapped
surrounded
by a gaping emptiness
nothing to hold me together
i unravel
and at the end
the inside is as empty
as the outside
but there is still something there
it's me
i can feel
i can feel
i can feel
but there is nothing to feel
so i pretend to feel
i pretend to ache
after all, what would the neighbors think??
got to keep my antennae up
what if there was
suddenly!
a stray emotion
or an escaped pain
i'd hate to miss it
or not recognise it
to give it the attention and respect it deserves
magnify every pinprick
exploit every blemish
to keep yr mind from noticing
there's a horse in the house...
i think i am addicted to being healed
do i inflict this pain on myself
just to feel the sympathy of healers
(it'll pass for love)
and if i'm really strung out
i'll take pity
and through alchemy
turn it to something
that'll pass for love
i'll taunt you
i'll incite a riot
to make you hit me
to make you hurt me
to make you hate me
when you lash out at me
you touch me
when you cut me
i feel you
when you hate me
at that moment
you can't think of anything but me
and after all
ain't that what love is all about?
addicted to placebos
my hypochondriac soul